More to come!

And I’m back, folks!

I have been dealing with a depressive stage for about 6 months now, and I’m just now finally getting better.  I don’t feel manic (or even hypomanic), but I do feel much more motivated and productive.  I should have some real new content within the next few days.  Rejoice!

I was in a general low phase for quite some time, but it would fluctuate from functional to near suicidal.  I was working hard with my therapist on my PTSD so my depression was not be addressed too aggressively.  I was, however, seeing my psychiatrist regularly and we were tweaking my medicinal cocktail little by little.

I’ve used Lexapro along with anti-convulsants and anti-psychotic medications for years.  The Lexapro seemed to be working well until lately.  My psychiatrist is a very cautious one and stepped me back up to a normal dosage very slowly.  Here’s the kicker, when we doubled my dosage from 10mg to 20mg (which I’ve taken before), I became morbid and suicidal.  I began cutting again and thought of death everyday.  It just kept getting worse and I seriously considered hospitalization again…though I wouldn’t have been able to afford it.

We finally decided to try a new approach (thank the Lord!).  We lowered my Lexapro back down to 10mg so that I can taper off of it and added Effexor.  So far I have been feeling great…but not too great, mind you.

For those of you who don’t know, Lexapro is an selective-serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI).  Effexor on the other hand is a serotonin-norepinephrin reuptake inhibitor (SNRI).  Basically it works on keeping two form of happy juice available in your brain instead of just one.  So far I have been feeling more motivated and have not thought about suicide in a week.  This could, however, be a bit of a placebo effect, but I’m doubting it only because I really did not expect this to work.

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well, and if not that you’re seeking the help you need.  I’ll have a much more technical post in the days to follow.

-L.J.

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