Intro to Hallucinations

The National Institute of Mental Health describes hallucinations as, “something a person sees, hears, smells, or feels that no one else can see, hear, smell, or feel…Many people with [schizophrenia] hear voices that may comment on their behavior, order them to do things, warn them of impending danger, or talk to each other (usually about the patient)…Other types of hallucinations include seeing people or objects that are not there, smelling odors that no one else detects…and feeling things like invisible fingers touching their bodies when no one is near.”

 

 

I should probably take a moment to talk about schizophrenia and other disorders associated with hallucinations since it would only be topical. The lovely brochure at NIMH (thank you again!) states that schizophrenia is, “a chronic, severe, and disabling brain disorder…it affects about 1 percent of Americans.” From there, depressive disorders (including Bipolar disorder) affect another 9.5 percent of the American population. I include depressive disorders because of certain psychoses that may develop during severe mood swings, such as my hallucinations. That’s over 10 percent of the population that could conceivably have an hallucination at some point in their adult lives. To me, that’s quite a lot, and therefore worth taking the time to become educated on the subject.

 

 

The first hallucination I ever had was during late summer of 2006. It was a chilling moment. Not only because I thought there were people standing in my living room who were very uninvited, but also because I realized I was seeing something that was not there. I thought, “Only crazy people have visions like this. I must be crazy.” Maybe I was. Hell, maybe I am. The important thing is that I was able to understand that this was a red flag for me. I had been hypo-manic for several days and I had been sleeping less and less. One morning I had been up the entire night and was supposed to work at my job at a gas station at 7 in the morning. It was 4:30am and I was only just beginning to get to the point where I might be able to sleep. Then I saw them. A small group of people standing in my living room, huddled together and in deep conversation. I nearly you-know-what-ed in my pants.

 

 

At the time I was staying in a friend’s living room. My bed was set up on the floor right in the middle of the room and I would be moving in a few weeks into my new apartment. As I laid in my bed, trying to force myself to sleep I was suddenly aware that these people were talking about me. I couldn’t hear what they said in their hushed voices, but I knew it wasn’t good. What had I done to them? My internal fear and lack of self-esteem manifested themselves as a group of individuals who were talking about me behind my back. Thankfully I was coherent enough to immediately call work and tell them I was ill. I didn’t know what else to do. You can’t just tell your employer, “Hey, I’m seeing people, probably not safe to be around customers today. See you tomorrow!” No, out of the question.

 

 

For me (at least thus far), hallucinations are a warning sign. This usually means things like I haven’t slept enough (during mania, for example) or I am getting depressed to the point of needing a meds adjustment. The last time I was in the hospital I nearly drank facial astringent as a way to kill myself before the intruders could get to me. There were no intruders. I knew then that I needed help, and I called my parents faster than you can guess. This may seem gruesome and utterly insane to some people, but I want to be as honest as possible. No one really told me that I could have hallucinations. I thought only schizophrenics had them, and that I was in the clear, so to speak. It’s important for people with mental illnesses to keep themselves informed about their disorders. Now I take the time to read up on lots of aspects of Bipolar disorder and PTSD (yes, I will get into that, just not today) and I also read up on any medication prescribed to me. It is imperative to take the time to become educated about something that has such a huge impact on your life.

 

 

Ok, ok, I’ll get off my soap box now. You can clearly tell that I’m a proponent of education. The point here is that hallucinations are something everyone should learn about if they deal with mental illness. To wrap up for today (rest assured I’ll talk about this again sometime) here are some great resources for information:

National Institute of Mental Health

National Mental Health Information Center

 

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